Last time I drew, it was after Lilly came back from the vet on Monday evening. She was in intense labored breathing. I knew she needed a piece of quietness, no fussy emotional burden nor me crying nor worrying about her, I let her be alone to focus on breathing.
The drawing helped me focusing on something else.
She was such a considerate person that she would not create much burden on us. By Wednesday 5am, she has left us, leaving us in tears and broken hearts. It was easier when we put down our 22 year-old cat 5 years ago. I could not figure out what went wrong in this mourning process.
I think it is because we did not have a chance to say goodbye. Because we did not see this illness coming. Because she's only been with us for three years. Because she's such a character with unique personality, not cat-lity. Because she can fly like a bat. Because she always looks at you right in the eyes and sends you loud messages. Because much of her past on the street was unknown. Because she heard us talking about letting go. Because within 58 hours of discomfort, she left in a quick manner.
Like the usual Lilly, she can move in lightning speed if she wants to. We, however, was dragging heaviness and the desire to cry in every moment. The lead-weight heart was lifted after yesterday I realized that it was only because I did not tell her how much I love her before she left. Wanting her suffering to end but not expecting it to end this fast, the hypocritical us were unprepared.
But now that she knows I love her, I feel easier.
Still in broken heart, I wish her good luck on the road. With a good quality life with us, I'm sure she's happy to have her last supper of quail. After all, food is everything to her!
To our teacher and friend, Lilly the tuxedo cat, circa 1995 - 10/10/2007