I found myself caught in the emotional mouse trap and not able to move forward, it is called "Grief."
Uncle Bill passed while I was on vacation. I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. But he made sure that we can all come home for his funeral. It is difficult admitting someone I love and owe great deal to is no longer there when I seek help, it is even harder to see the family suffer.
Grief makes one mature. But I wonder if my heart can still take it when it happens too often. It is a familiar experience. Don't' have appetite nor desire. Once a while the body vibrates quietly from the violent force in the middle of the chest, ego is trying hard to hold back the tears. One may not be at the appropriate location to break down in tears, therefore the heavy weight lead drops on the artery to replace the releasing of sorrow.
It is like all thoughts in life. It doesn't exist if one doesn't think of it. Once you bring it into focus, it blows itself up into a giant balloon in your body. you are about to explode, not even bawling can save you from bursting.It is therefore impossible to create when one's hollowed from inside out. A dilemma for modern people, you would to withhold all emotions and continue business, or turn your daily life into a giant healing course?
I sob so I can feel.