白色的回憶

聖誕節快到了,雖然不愛過節的我們忙到快翻掉了,還要盯著新家的休建進度,我手邊還欠著一本書,5件作品加上二月中的個展,過年又回不了家了,連新家八成都搬不成了...這都不算討厭,討厭的是翻譯翻一翻,竟翻出想念三姊的記憶...
想到那年我回到美國後,聖誕節時卻病到不行,還以為自己有氣喘哩!無原無故地怎麼也不會好,二姊也出國了,只剩下大姊和爸媽在台灣,寂寞的三姊偷接了一大堆大夜班,大概也覺得過節過得沒意思吧!連活著都沒意思了說...
聖誕節快到了,總是不知不覺地就想到妳,也沒有過節的打算呀,怎麼老姊妳會悄然地爬上心頭呢?是時間又讓你繞了一圈回到我身邊了吧?
好想妳呀!不想還好,想著心裡就痛得不得了,就算放聲大哭也不恰當,只是痛,乾乾硬硬的痛...
勸別人都容易,但要自己過這關還真難,想念的痛不容易釋懷,畢竟我是平凡人,我對妳的愛是平凡人的愛,是自私的,所以我想著不可能讓妳快樂但是還要妳為了討厭的人賴活著...
唉,走了也好,賞可惡的人一耳光,讓他們痛苦得不得翻身...
好吧!用我小人悲賤的想法就不會這麼傷心了,畢竟幫妳報了仇,但是我想要與妳分享的喜悅呢?妳走了之後生活變了好多,真希望妳還在,過節過得不爽也好,畢竟我還摸得到妳...

Changes have yet to come!

200 years after the US congress banned slave trade, we now have a black president!

However, 25 years after Roe v. Wade, we have yet to walk out of the tunnel of abortion stigma. Congratulations to S. Dakota, Colorado and us Californian women, our voice had shed some light in the way out of the tunnel.

But shame on Californians who took the out-of-state handouts and swallowed their morality! Lesbians and gays' families fell in a shallow boat thank to the discriminating ideology.

Are LGBT humans?

Perhaps today's LGBT resemble Sara Baartman in 1814, a young African woman displayed naked as a science project in traveling circus in Europe. She was not a human, because the Bible did not mention any black skin. LGBT are aliens, because the Bible did not mention unions other than virgina and penis. Sara's brain and genitals were displayed in Paris until 1976; for more than 150 years, we did not consider this human have the same right as the rest of us. Will it take that long to admit LGBT, too, have basic rights to love, have sex, live together, marry each other and have children?

Does marriage mean a virgina and a penis? Do all non-child-bearing married women commit a crime? Do believes separate us from each other?

Until we recognize that all are equal: animals, plants, women, men, LGBT, handicapped, the dying and the young, until we learn that the majority do not have the right to exploit the minority, Changes have yet to come!

February 12, 2004, San Francisco made history by granting the first ever same-sex marriage license to a prominent lesbian couple as part of a challenge to a ban on gay marriage. Longtime activists Phyllis Lyon, 79, and Del Martin, 83, who have been a couple for over 51 years, said their vows at city hall after Mayor Gavin Newsom ordered officials to wed gay couples and issue marriage licenses in an act of civil disobedience against a state law that bars same-sex marriages.

Cow Parade in Taipei!!!

My favorite Cow Parade is coming to Taipei. No excuse to not go home now:)

Event organizers did an interesting twist different than past Cow Parades in other countries.

They invited students to design some cows and the finished cows will be displayed along with professional artists' cows.

Oh, do I envy these kids! Painting a cow for Cow Parade is my dream. Someday when they come to LA crushing our silly Angels, I shall get my own cow.

The creativity in the students' cows are amazing! Though professional artists have a subtler presentation on concepts, I find students' cows connect to people on a more intimate level. Of course, the talents represent Taiwan's culture make this Cow Parade stands out and man are they all Original! Did I say, Original? What is the cool if we are painting Picasso or McDonald's? Although painting our legendary or fable characters may make foreigners scratch their heads, but I say worth the cause, this is how cultures communicate with each other! Check it out, this is my favorite cow, from a student; I not only like the idea, but also his professionalism. The cow is titled: The Monkey King. (or Sun Wukong if you want to say it the way Chinese say it)

Quote of the week

"I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered."
Thomas Jefferson 1802

sounds familiar?
It's the American spirit.
You can not trade US dollar for gold, but you can trade your smaller US dollar for a even smaller US dollar. To know more, watch clips from Zeitgeist.

can life be simple?

Choices, choices and a 2-mile-long list of decisions to make.

Thought art making is simple, drawing what you like, follow the line, add some color, build up the mass, and seal it with pretty glitter.

But art career swirls like a water hole, then art business throws some rocks in, do you want to break the swirls and let it flow, or jump in to catch the rocks?

Fortunately for the human race, I'm not a congresswoman who has to be responsible for people's life and death. Probably at that point, one simply ignores the responsibility anyway.

Nor am I the CEO who's responsible for a 3-million dollar deal every hour on the clock.

But I do, too, have to calculate my cost and value. What's the price, whom to bargain with, how to ship it, how much insurance to buy, call the dealer, call the museum to release works, sign cold-hearted papers, swipe credit cards... and ah, deposit checks.

This year I have a goal to treat my business as a real business. Considering if I'd run a restaurant for the past 6 years, I'd close my door long time ago. Art is unique, but has to deserves something better than a draining pipe. It is time to slowly moving out of the haunted house of funneling saving account to art supplies. So bronze price has risen sky high, I will just forget about it. Sometimes one has to compromise a bit, especially for a perfectionist like me. I always have the instinct to pick the most expensive dress in the whole store, therefore always want to most high end for my work... well, it should feel better to earn the best than spending the best.

So many decisions to make that one can never tell for sure if it is a correct choice. I can simply do my best with my little soft brain and go with the learning curve. Life strikes the bell that rings. I shall ring and ring and ring, and someday say, I can now ring on my own now, no more lessons needed. Leave me alone so I can devote my best life to everything art.

sculptor's mess

Studio is piled up with unfinished projects. Like an irresponsible lover, I have abandoned projects waiting in line to hate me.

Working on the mangrove tree for weeks now, results still don't meet with desires. Wanted to cast it in bronze-too expensive-maybe aluminum will be cheaper-naively thinking, sand casting is even better-can i save up the mold cost-still too expensive. Settling for less can have surprising outcome. New idea shined in last night. I'll make you electronic, that way I have a reason to not cast you.

Used to think that I'm lame to always have to struggle with new techniques. Never can come up with a concept which I know how to make it already. It seems to be a common phenomenon now that artists are constantly in need of learning new skills, especially sculptors. And the new technique can grow on you, make you addictive. Even when the project comes to a halt, I physically want to sit on the floor and continue building. It is addictive arting. Perhaps this one I will not abandon.

Leo babies

Today is a special day. My best girl friend's water broke. According to text message from the other friend, she's in the hospital now.
This Leo girl was past due for 4 days, I was as anxious as her mom was.
In these past 9 months, our spirit have flown high as 3 out of we 4 are going thru pregnancy. Me being the last remain free and watch their lives change. Inside me there's tremendous joy caught from them, heck, I even eat as much as they do:) Another Leo boy will arrive in the next week or two. Both grandmas are ready, standing by to start the transitional Chinese 1-month postpartum care procedure.
My blessings go to my friends who is and will go thru labor this month. Because of them, my views of life has expanded to a new horizon.
Welcome, Leo babies!

seduction of the art world

There is this theory that an artist should make consistent works to establish her/himself.

I ask, do you use the same bowl to eat breakfast everyday? Do you carry the same word at the end of your every sentence?

Life is so short that I can not imagine living in the same way for ten years and expecting to get to enlightenment. I can not lie to myself today in order to please the tomorrow.

Actually in the the past several months, I could not even bring myself to openings like I used to.

I looked at my life, there is art and art making, and art marketing, and art talking, and art thinking and art sharing. It is such a BS when those career guides rule: Art is Life.

Life is such a big word, how can one defines it. Life is made of much diverse and numerous experiences. I lived as there is only art and no tomorrow, then I found myself fumbling in the dark losing my art and life.

Something's got to change, but I don't know what nor how. I lived in the dark for a few month dreading about my ignorance. Reading books helped a bit, but ego often threw me back to the pity cell. I am not out of the tunnel yet, but I am back to the studio and work my way out.

Perhaps, ironically, art is the only way out.

I realized what Judy Chicago told us years ago about the difference between female and male artists' approach to art making.

She considered male artists make art with Forms, while female artists make art with Contents. That is why it usually takes longer for female artists to work, because we need to do research, read and internalize our concept before it can come out as art. Much like a cow's regurgitating feed, only that it can take years for human artists to regurgitate certain ideas.

I was too young to understand what that means. Plus in these days, the boundary can be blurred. Now I finally understand it from another angle.

The cereal bowl is form, the cereal is content. With the bowl we consume cereal.

Meal is form, what one feels like eating is the content. With meals we materialize what we want to eat.

Sculpture is form, the concept from which it's born is content. Through sculptures we communicate the concept.

Body is form, mind and spirit is content. Body is the image which reflects our mind and spirit.

therefore,

art is form, life is concept.

Art is not life, nor life art. so, where do we go from here?

gummi gummi gummi

From The Contemporary Art Center of Virginia (CAC), opens July 11~

Art for artists

Richard Tuttle told a story when he came to LA last year, about his pondering on the meaning of shows and openings.
It was after the opening night of his survey exhibition in 1975 at the Whitney Museum of American Art, he was troubled by Why he needs to have such museum shows. He sat in the hotel room all night long, thinking and asking. By 6am the next morning, he had an answer: It is his responsibility to be showing in order to inspire fellow artists and help them bring out their best.
I did not quite understand that answer, but I've heard a lot of entrepreneur gurus talking about the same spiritual fulfillment from wealth. I kept that note in mind, remembering that it takes more than wanting to express to be a successful artist and somehow I too have respobsibility to the whole art community.
Being dormant for a change, I sat quietly and patiently for the door to open. Then again, I hear the same message from Tony Robbins. But this time, I understand it a little better, more on the level of my heart.

Go to school for art? or to kill art?

"Sir Ken Robinson, author of Out of Our Minds: Learning to be Creative, outlines the current crisis in American education, compares our schools and universities with others around the globe, and with wit and humor, shows us the path towards a more enlightened America. Robinson is an internationally recognized leader in the development of creativity, innovation and human resources. He has advised national governments in Europe and Asia as well as and some of the world’s leading cultural organizations including the European Commission, UNESCO, the Council of Europe, the J. Paul Getty Trust and the Education Commission of the States."
He will be talking at Hammer Museum this July 1st at 7pm!

Blow away, move out, toss in the bin...

I have a very important mission these days: to declutter.

Clear all the materials and stuff I stored for years for some future sculptures that never come. They are so packed that they suck my energy like a vampire. Every morning I woke up, all I felt was sit like them on the shelf with aimless sights.

I feel clean to clean out these clutters. Even threw out some works that I no longer feel comfortable showing. This strong urge to delete the past allows new path to enter. I can now walk a little faster~

Fertile changes

Spent weeks preparing for the group show at VA, I said goodbye to my two babies today.

Crating company just left with the pieces, they left me good impression as the kids moved the artworks slowly and carefully.

This is the beginning for my large works to travel. I'm a mom sees my teenage kids going off on their own for the first time. It is sad but it is glorifying to know that they are proud and independent now.

My dear kids, I have wished for you to travel far, up the coast to the Big Apple, then back to the Golden Gate. Or if you wish, find a nice home to stay. I'm happy for your journey. Be safe and be yourself!

Big apple or a big tree?

New York showed up in conversations lately. More than one gallery owners had hinted to me that artists have to be in New York for some time for their career to hit a new level. The fact of the art world is that more people are writing about art, more people are collecting art and more serious about art in the Big Apple.

Yet the fact of the real life is that most artists need to be stable in the mind and feel stable in their environment in order to be creative. A disoriented person remains disoriented wherever she or he lives.

I have been thinking about this career hit-and-run scenario for quite some time now. Artists in the US are looking at EU artists, EU artists are looking at the Chinese market, Chinese artists are looking at the Big Apple. Where should one go and where should one be?

Is career the major focus of an artist's life? Does career define an artist?

If I am my career, what happens when the career is no longer there?

Is an artist who does not sell or show a real artist?

I came to a loud NO as the conclusion.

So why is "career" so important that the thoughts of it can paralyze artists?

We are scared, I think. Way too scared.

Garlic. In you face!

What would you change if you can change any part of your body?
Most women have wishes for their appearance, I wish for a new immune system.

My immune system is the reflective of me. She's a workaholic, over reacting to everything and doesn't know when to stop. We have had this terrible relationship to have to put up with each other ever since I was born.

Most people have immune systems that can get rid of dust and mites without the body realizing it. Mine treats pollen as a gun pointing to my head. Only that she always blows me up before the gun did.

I have experimented on all sorts of herbal remedies, diet changes, life style modifications. I consider myself pretty clean inside by now, but my immune system still remains busy overloading herself with tasks. Very much like me.

A accidental intakeof heavy dose of raw garlic helped me calm her down last night. ha, raw Galic, the most simple basic herb in the pantry. "Garlic. in you face!" I said to my immune system. Now that she can't work too much any more, she is more normal and pleasant to be with. But what about the workaholic me?

refocus rezero home

Life is but a tree, we instinctively follow the sun and were born to grow toward the sky.

Somehow other things came in the way, made us grow branches that bifurcate into all directions. They bring us much needed experience in this journey but sometimes can distract us from who we really are and why we started.

The opportunities to show are my branches. They educate me and build my confidence. Every emerging artist want some of these, and I do, too, badly. But I've came to realized that I need to re zero my meter every time I finished installing a show.

It is not to dwell in the after taste, but to move on and refocus/zoom out my lens.

I've gotten jealous, resentful, greedy and unhappy the more opportunities I have. Why is that? I ponder and ponder for a long dark hellish time. It is because I have lost the original vision and blinded myself with the short sparkle right in front of this moment. The more I have, the more I want, and the more I can not get. This pity old human folklore has come to an end.

Taking the sweet gratefulness I received from the most sophisticated and open-minded audience from the NOW show, I step into a new realm, leaving behind the self-pity. I may not be good enough, but I do my best at any moment. Each day I start a new day in the studio, discarding what I don't have and embracing what I have, which is my love and respect to my art. After all, I just want to make art, and having the ability to make them happen is the only juice I survive on.

Thank you all, who came thru my works and become part of it. Your taking it slow and digesting it thoroughly made this installation the most beautiful. Welcome to my branches!

Breezy night...

Felt much loved on the opening night, by friends and by strangers. Often for the doubtful me, this is the time I feel appreciated as an artist and loved as a person.

This opening reception happened on a breezy night, I, however, felt warm at heart. People came in my installation and emerged themselve in it for a long time, soaking in the emotion and processing as they walked out. I am grateful for their encouragement and open minded about personal works like this.

It was a rewarding journey, after 20 hours of installing. And it is just the beginning~

My vote for the best

The best conceptual artist I have known so far in my life is Zoë Sheehan Saldaña. Go check out her website and figure why I said so.
The only word I can come up is "flawless!" both conceptually and visually. The way she approaches social issues is genius and effective.
Thank you, Zoë, for your existence. Art is more interesting because of you:)

Emotional Turnover

I am the only one who can change my world.
Tossed out the dog-drowning sobbing-wet despair, I stood up to the Halliburton of pity.
Today is a better day.

Got both hands on the draft of a new installation piece. It turned out that a few fans, an audio splitter and some earphones are all I need for the design. I'm naively and officially stepping into the interactive art zone.

The love on internet circulating knowledge I need.
All the loggers and MAKE gurus, my gratitude goes to you!

The year of Rat has already taught me how to accept the changes, discard old limits which nobody but myself set upon me. The best thing on earth is to Grow!

Life is doable when I rid of stress and get back in the loop with fellow artist friends


High five to ben dalton at MIT on this wonderful piece: Rabbit Field.

"Each rabbit is self inflating using a simple computer fan, and can sense its internal pressure state by monitoring its fan speed. If a rabbit is squeezed, and partially deflated, the rabbits around it respond, as if out of empathy, deflating themselves. In this way, a wave of deflation ripples out from the squeezed centre."

What a great piece, Ben! This is one thing that made my day today~ Thank you!

Murakami's Talk

No, I still don't like Murakami's works. But I think he is a very nice person who works hard at his job, and not stingy about sharing it with other artists!
A little retro-report here from last Nov. when I listened to his talk in Taipei.
Organized some interesting concepts to help understand where he's from. But don't pick my scattered notes, I was freezing cold and sick that night.

Notes taken from Murakami's talk about his art:

"There is a specific moral system in the west, therefore, pornography is forbidden. Any raw desires had to be oppressed. But people have to find a way to express the desires and put it at home.
In the west, art means expressing the raw/original elements of life.
Art, in their definition, is like pornography. It is expressing the original desire and put it at home. Porn is shown in literature, but never sculptures. This is why I made the sculpture works with 海洋堂.

Pornography is similar to religions, it is a way to release secrets or oppression, to let go the shameful secrets.
Art is the same; art is not only self expression, but showing the most shameful part thru expressing. This is the same for people with religions.

From the pornography concepts, I organized the Super flat show in LA. I wanted to show works commenting on porn culture. It drew a lot of negative criticism in Japan. But I wanted to ask, if nobody likes porn and everybody is ashamed of it, why are there still so many people buying it?

A critic talked about my works, 'He turned what Japanese are ashamed of into big profit on high-end market in the west.'

Why are people ashamed of kawaii styles? Because they think kawaii is childish, is immature. But I ask, what is wrong being childish? What is wrong being a child?

Also I ask, What are Japanese artists shamed of? The narrow art market, not enough collectors or appreciation from the society?

Originality means What you discover or observe but others don’t.
I encourage all artists Face what you feel ashamed of bravely and honestly.

About Branding

I think we’ve reached an age of retrospection. Some wealthy people start to think that the acts of consuming or purchasing is shameful after they reached a certain level of wealth. This is why I worked with LV to create a store in the MOCA show. I want to bring out what people are ashamed of and put in right in front of them."

At this point, I still don't like Murakami's works. But I have to say that I feel what he feels. Often we create works to bring out the ugliness, but people only see the celebration part of it. It is not right or wrong because art is created by artists and viewers together. It just seems funny that the art critics are writing in one way, the artists are thinking in another way, yet the viewers who go gaga for the works are totally looking at them in YET the other way. I say, that is humor!

Mouse Trap...

Haven't had a chance to stop since I landed. Life's tasks are consuming me.

I found myself caught in the emotional mouse trap and not able to move forward, it is called "Grief."


Uncle Bill passed while I was on vacation. I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. But he made sure that we can all come home for his funeral. It is difficult admitting someone I love and owe great deal to is no longer there when I seek help, it is even harder to see the family suffer.

Grief makes one mature. But I wonder if my heart can still take it when it happens too often. It is a familiar experience. Don't' have appetite nor desire. Once a while the body vibrates quietly from the violent force in the middle of the chest, ego is trying hard to hold back the tears. One may not be at the appropriate location to break down in tears, therefore the heavy weight lead drops on the artery to replace the releasing of sorrow.

It is like all thoughts in life. It doesn't exist if one doesn't think of it. Once you bring it into focus, it blows itself up into a giant balloon in your body. you are about to explode, not even bawling can save you from bursting.

It is therefore impossible to create when one's hollowed from inside out. A dilemma for modern people, you would to withhold all emotions and continue business, or turn your daily life into a giant healing course?

I sob so I can feel.